just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
