just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
