Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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