Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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