Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Randomize
