the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
