TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
