remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
