I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
