How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
