woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
