Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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