My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
