U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
what day is it and did you see me today?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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