We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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