am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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