Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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