some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
