I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
