im about as happy as oj after his trial
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
