Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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