consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
