Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize