My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
