It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Houston, we have a squirter
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize