Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize