3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
