I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
