omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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