He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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