I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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