yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Is Oprah even human
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
