Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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