your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
