I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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