As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
