can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
