she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I need to calm my uterus...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize