i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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