i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
