you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
