As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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