God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
