And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
