we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Help. Why am I so naked?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
