there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize