no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
