what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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