her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
