btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
