The maid of honor just puked.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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