That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
