apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
