we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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