Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
