Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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