hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
