This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
