i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize