Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
