the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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