Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
im on a boat
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