She's JV to your varsity
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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