My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize