i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
