I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
