He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
