I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
