Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
