A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
