I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
