I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
