My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I looked at my own cervix.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
