He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
