had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
