We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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