I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
