I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i would punch a child for taco bell
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
