you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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