i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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