When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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