i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Barsexuality is the new black.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
