I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
