So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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