I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
