I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize