he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
