are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize