he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
