Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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