i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
