everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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