In the future we'll all be gay
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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