my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
